There is no room for honesty in Kenya and politics.

Someone once said the guilty flee when no one persueth and sadly that is the case in Kenya. When we think things are tight or the noose is tightening, even in our minds we get that flight and flee feeling. Thus Kenya can be classified into a country of Thugs and proud of it. We gladly call Nairobi Nairobbery and think nothing of it. Look at Goldenberg (not the wrestler but he was mad cool), Anglo Leasing (eat everything even the scraps on the floor mentality), Land Grabbing (Mau forest and we still discussing how to ask people to leave), Utumishi Kwa Wote otherwise known as Kenya Police (the ultimate legitimate gang in Kenya) and, the media (publishes alarming stories just to make a sale). Makes you think of the Kenyans ability to look for a quick buck. It has to be said, matter of fact, if we were to literally apply ourselves imagine where Kenya would be. Case in point, what were you doing at 25? At 25 one Kamlesh was having chai, mandazi na arrow roots with the main CEO of Kenya at the time and convincing him without a doubt that his pyramid scheme was the ultimate pesa pap idea and the Family Bank and Equity Bank of the time had nothing on his idea. Speaking of the banks of that era, what happened to Trade bank, Euro Bank, Dhabiti Finance etc? Anglo leasing was just a robbery like G4S but, gone wrong. The rule of thumb is when you are making away with something be discrete but this idiots were on a roll that you could hear coins fall on a heavy carpet cause of the huge numbers involved. Land grabbing, where do I start? When we were growing up we were told to be apprehensive of certain tribes because they were either war like or just thugs but as we got older and the 1990 land clashes came about, we came to realize it's all about land and "lack of it." You then have some mad individuals who then conspire and grab public access roads, schools and forests and then yell at the top of their voices that their communities are being marginalized because they are being asked in not to subtle terms to return the land of else. WOULD YOU ASK A THIEF, TO RETURN YOUR CAR OR ELSE?

The Kenya police, their slogan translated means helping everyone but to the general public it can be translated differently depending on the side of the economic divide you sit on. No wonder the general public has become less tolerant of their bully tactics and a few individuals decided to teach some members of the "disciplined" force a lesson or two after watching some kung fu panda. Incidentally the traffic incident where the police man thumps the driver with the handcuffs till he's bleeding before the driver decides enough is enough is comical. The fourth estate is also another quandary we have. They have always been seen as the first teacher with a ruler using it to warp the knuckles of the government on behalf of the oppressed but has been bought by politicians. They only cover certain news items and disregard the rest unless paid. No wonder people like Alfie Mutua have jobs. Depending on how you want your news packaged, you can then decide which channel to tune to for the 9p.m news daily. What the fourth estate forgets, is that the government recently tried to introduce a media bill that will not only gag them but make them just as helpless as the people n Kibera waiting for permanent toilets and getting flying ones. The lesson here is that even the smallest whistle blower can generate interest and stop a colossal giant like goldenberg, JUST ASK THE WORLD AND THE WIKILEAKS FIASCO.

I'm not a conspiracy theorists but at times I just have to give my 2 cents worth. I watched Jeff K the other day interviewing some odiero on capital talk and was very amused by his interpretation of what the ICC and Hague is and deciphered it for the common layperson as Europe's Guantanamo. What I don't get is why we are jumping the gun? All the ICC and Ocampo did was mention and not rule on the guilty but in all honesty Ocampo has people in mind and does not know how to prosecute thus he gets a few who he knows will sing like canaries and tell on the rest and thus create a domino effect. I still say let them accept the consequences and confess, if you are innocent the truth will come out and it will be no skin off your back. We are in the neonate of the new year and though we cannot look at the year as an infant, March should prove to be an eye opener month for the famous 6. In other news Kati Kati vice president Kalonzo and the KKK want us to give the Kenyan judiciary a chance to get the truth out. The same judiciary that could not tell us anything concrete about the assignation of Tom Mboya, Pio Gama Pinto, JM Kariuki, Dr. Robert Ouko, Bishop Muge and countless others plus the reasons of the clashes we have experienced in Molo, Kayabombo and the PEV. Its like putting your trust in a Lion as a guard dog and thinking he will not turn on you on day.

After having a drink with the drink tank (think tank) we concluded that in Kenya where someone is arrested and jailed for 10 years for stealing a chicken and the garbage that rapes a small girl gets 2 years, the famous 6 chaps will be out in 2 months going about having lunch at Serena while plotting for 2012. if we can't trust the police who we think are the most corrupt people next to Nigerians, our questionable learned friends who steal clients money or delay cases until we have lost interest, judges who are said to be corrupt, being corrupted by the learned friends and until to date, some have never been cleared of the charges and now don't want to be vetted before they sit on the bench least the skeletons tumble out of the closet and, last but not least, witnesses who retract statements whenever they feel like after their "conscience" nags them into confessing nothing but the "truth". Please note that to date nothing ever happens to those who bear false witness, incidentally where are those 2 witnesses of Rutos from last year?

We are now back to the Mututho laws. The AM (after Mututho) period was short lived and Kenyans enjoyed a January Christmas but little did we know it would be hot lived. The law is now back in effect thanks to some judge who thinks the pros out weight the cons (hey but at least he can have a drink at 10 in the morning courtesy of being a member of a private club) and the mboys in blue are busy making sure they continue having nyama choma kila ski kama kawaida as they arrest us for quenching our thirst in this mad January sun.

The UK after 700 years of democracy finally has a female Attorney General. Question is, do you think Kenya is ready and if we are, who would be our ideal candidate? Let me know of some of the women who could lead the country and we'll try tell the old generation that we should move on chap chap in Africa. The tax man also recently announced that he collect 303 Billion between July '09 and Dec '09. That figure is so astounding that if you were left to count that amount as your own, Dr. Njenga would be standing by your steaming head trying to talk you back to sanity. Furthermore they say they were short by 1% of their target. Give me 1% of that amount and see how self actualization can be achieved. I would buy different colored Vitz (just because I can, not cause they are likable) and litter Nairobi until the NCC realize what a nuisance the vitz lawnmower is and ban them. After mission accomplished, i would visit the nice show room in industrial area where my girlfriend Range Rover is waiting and point as i demand her to come out of hiding. next stop would be Thika rod for a quick chat with the Ghanaian MD personally delivering my beverage of choice Johnny Walker at conducive temperature, taste and liking on a weekly rate while announcing and paying in cash a lifetime supply before finally moving to live on my personal coconut island with my wife.

Then we have something that irked me more than anything. More than 100 Kenyan tribal elders and kings led by their Chairperson Kamlesh Pattni (LOL, ROF) flew to dust Vegas (not Ukambani) desert of Libya to crown Col. Gaddafi of Libya king of Africa. As in WTF? When did we vote as any community to have the biggest and most notorious scam artist and architect of goldenberg as Chairman of that group of people or should I call them idlers after this last stunt? Furthermore when did we decide to be ruled by one desert dweller and his camels and, become a tribe under him and the scorpions in the desert? There was no referendum conducted that I can recall, No promulgation after the referendum vote, No holiday to commemorate and help us drink and digest, nothing what so ever. I love fish and not dates as a meal there go this chain of thought has been evicted from the chain of thought.

MP or should it be former MP Simon Mbugua of Kamkunji lost his seat as was expected. The judge said he had compromised the returning officer way before the counting. Say it as it is, he bought/paid/acquired/purchased the RO's loyalty kama kawaida and was announced winner before the chap riding the camel came about. BTW what was that stunt of riding a camel in the city center, at the law courts and in the CBD and where was Utumishi? You try it tomorrow and watch how you can be made to understand why Nyayo House existed. Mbugua becomes the 8th geezer to be kicked out of parliament. I think they should be forced to repay the salaries they had fraudulently gotten over the period as they masqueraded as the member of parliament.

Finally I would like to give Kenyans an admonitory in the way we think and vote in garbage into our parliaments. In animal farm the animals got the leader they deserved and only realized their mistake when it was too late. Will we follow suit or stop before we all jump over the cliff?