Wake Up Government

It’s a new day and week in shamba ya mawe and the great country known as Kenya. The day is Monday 17^th September 2012 and Kenyans have woken up to another week of more strikes, high fuel prices and cost of living. We are leaning towards a failed state at this rate. Kenya has become a country of overpriced basic food commodities. These days if you can have bread and milk tea for breakfast you’re a sonko. If you can afford meat, chicken or fish you are living the kings’ dream. Fuel is still high and after 2 months of price reduction, the price of fuel was added again. No wonder we have littering of Vits and Proboxes on the roads. The difference of this addition was that within minutes the fuel stations were charging the new rates despite the fact that when the price is reduced they create an artificial shortage and start charging the new price two days later.

We are a striking nation and should include that as part of our marketing Kenya campaign. Teachers are on strike, doctors are on strike, policemen are on go slow, lecturers are on strike and the government is stuck sucking its thumb.  The government’s reaction is to threaten the striking workers with firing if they don’t report to work this morning. In my opinion, this is the stuff trade and labor unions live and thrive on. The stalemate will continue as long as the government behaves like a bully. We cannot be adding salaries of Ps’s and expecting those more deserving to swallow humble pie and continue living on peanuts. The teachers are tasked with molding the minds of our children who are the youth and leaders of tomorrow. The police are tasked to maintain law and order and yet we expect them to work for core shells, take a bullet for us and keep the bad elements out of our houses as we sleep. Otto Van Bismarck once said “we sleep because there is a rough hooligan ready to do battle on our behalf as we slumber”. That said let us pay them their dues and what  they deserve if not for that reason then because the mere thought of underpaying an individual we have entrusted with a gun should scare us into doing the right thing. As Ruto is fond of stating, this is the maisha of hustlers and suffers

3 weeks ago the country was up in arms and everybody was holding their tongue to see what the governments reaction would be in regards to  the fracas and riots that erupted after the killing of Muslim cleric Rogo. The reaction of the Muslim youths thereafter and burning of churches has seriously left a sour taste in the mouth of majority of Christians. All it served to do was to support the notion and further the idea that the Muslim religion is intolerant. My question to these youths is very simple, since when did the government become church and what justification do you have to act in that manner no matter the grievance? The response to these atrocities was very telling and showed the lack of cohesion and decisiveness from our commander in chief. No sooner have we settled that situation and then the Tana clashes began to the point even police were being attacked and killed. The police commissioner, internal security minister, government and commander in chief yet again did not think it prudent to nip it in the bud and yet again were playing catch up. For how long will Kenyans suffer insecurity issues and delayed responses to services we are paying for in our taxes. Destroying the fabric of society and leaving a mess for the next government does not make you cool, it only shows the callous disregard you have for yourself, those around you and the people of Kenya. Act now or be judged harshly later by those you have mistreated.

We are approaching another election in a few months and it is very telling in the way we handle or rather stumble from one crisis to another. Mr. President Wake up and galvanize the troops to order. You speak of a legacy you want to leave for the people of Kenya but in the last 4 weeks, certain actions or rather lack of action have been exemplified by your indecisiveness in the way you and your government have dealt with them. Remember this as you build your legacy in your last months in office, a man is only remembered for his deeds and actions. This is your call to action, do not let down the people of Kenya.

Migunas mouth is to blame

I have been reading social media pages and on-line media and, have come to the view that the general theme is one and the same, Raila is to blame for Migunas woes. This is far from the case and is just like what happens every time Gor Mahia has a tiff or goes on a rampage to express it's displeasure over something or the other. The claim is always these Luos are uncouth, ill tempered and intolerant of others. Our narrow minded views and perceptions are what cause tension and tribal rift in this country. We take our queues from our misguided and self serving leaders and run with them like the gospel truth. When will we learn to look at the facts and make informed decisions by ourselves instead of waiting for what has been regurgitated by our so called politicians and cascaded to us like a five star course meal.

I cordon violence as a means to solve a problem but, Migunas own mouth is his worst enemy. I'm gravely concerned with the comments I read from people saying that since Miguna is being roughed up everywhere he goes, then one can only imagine Raila Odinga's government. All i see is the intolerance, prejudice, tribalism and irrational fear towards one individual being disguised as criticism. Miguna’s utterances lend credence to the view that he is driven by a vendetta. In his tour to market the book, he has done nothing but direct vitriol at Odinga. It is therefore not surprising the kind of reception he has been receiving in Nakuru, Kisumu and Mombasa. Residents have given him a hostile reception due to his tone and mouth and nothing else. Even to a neutral observer, the political undertones in Miguna’s statements cannot go unnoticed. No public office in Kenya is devoid of the vices he claims were rampant at the PM’s office. A whistleblower must remain objective, neutral and factual. Each claim made must be backed by hard facts just like Githongo’s audio records that exposed the Anglo leasing scam. To quote a friend of mine "there is NO correlation between the beating Miguna receives & how RAO would run a country, are you saying that Miguna didn't insult a whole lot of other people? Should RAO send a postcard to every citizen in Kisumu, Nakuru & Mombasa telling them to leave Miguna alone? Are we saying that it's RAO's sole responsibility?" 

Each time we turn on the TV, Miguna is insulting someone other than Raila, perpetuating to have monopoly over intelligence and everybody in Kenya and, we should listen to him and his words like those of the Mesiah. Sadly, Miguna’s mission is unclear, Whether it is desire for publicity, good governance, cash or vengeance, Miguna is going about it in a manner that is unwise. He is clearly a man imprisoned by an inflated ego, a loose canon feared by even the most ardent haters of Raila Odinga.

KWAHERI 2011

2011 was a year of highs and lows. It was a year of joy, disappointment, reflection, judgment and understanding on my part. We all believe we are bullet proof in life and all circumstances other than death but when the time to be counted in any circumstance is upon us, that is when we realize our true mantle or as the British are keen to say our grit. Grit is what true pioneers, entrepreneurs, explorers and inventors posses’ abundance of that enables them to be a success or conceptualize ideas before their time even in the face of adversity.

Some of the lows include becoming a crime statistic in Kenya. As the year was coming to a close I had an encounter with some of my not so pleasant “in- laws” out for a pound of flesh which in this case was my blackberry phone (but do I say) and the money on my person courtesy of a carjacking incident one cold November night. The key to survival in such cases is complying with the gangsters and giving them what they want no matter how ridiculous and angry you may be. As was the case, the famous “mboys’ in blue were nowhere to been seen or reached when required or when we attempted to summon them. There is nothing as sobering and nerve raking as hearing the click of an ak47 on your temple. Nothing a good laugh and copious amounts of my favorite tipple Mr. Johnny Walker could not fix later and get me back to my usual self.

This is also the year I contemplated closing my business which is instrumental to my dream. My business is my vehicle to self actualization unlike our politicians but in a moment of clarity I decided to reinvent myself and give it another try. Most Kenyans believed the economic crunch was something invented by the west and stayed in the west. Unfortunately it took a KQ plane to Kenya and East Africa and manifested itself into never ending inflation on foodstuff, fuel, unemployment and general fear by organizations to invest in advancing their key resource which was human capital. For a small business in Kenya it was out of control overheads and costs, the never ending lack of constant clients or payments that are never made on time by businesses. In business school they don’t really drum into you the importance of perseverance in such situations. It gave me an idea to write a survival guide to small businesses in Kenya and the art of avoiding the 2 year downfall of a business. I say good riddance to 2011.

This was also the year that Kenyans discovered a new word by the name ICC and that we can truly stand up and force our politicians to be accountable for their actions. We now await the next course of action in the saga that has been nick named the Ocampo 6 and the next episode will just be as riveting, spell binding and intriguing as the last season.

Another word that became famous is Sonko. The little multicolored dressed leprechaun made a name for himself by standing up for issues that he should have been sitting on the fence. His antics greatly embarrassed many people and the common masses though they flock around him when in public, I suspect are always on the lookout for the next dose of comedy and shenanigans that he will unleash on the public in the name of helping them with Haki Yao. Sonko has reinforced the notion in the wazees that truly the youth of Kenya are not ready to be leaders of this fine country of ours and for that he gets the Jinga of all time awards.

This is also the year that saw the death of Amy Winehouse a talented but very disturbed musician, the death of Steve Jobs the founder of Apple, will it ever be the same, the Japanese tsunami and earthquake that not only destroyed property but caused the death of thousands, the Arab uprising that started in Tunisia and spread to Egypt and Libya leading to the ousting of dictators such as Mubarak and Gadhafi, the famine in Northern Kenya that the government swore was a figment of the media and the peoples imagination and, many more tragic events around the world.

2011 will always be compared to being the gazelle walking the savanna as it is stalked by the lions. To this, I raise a toast to the old and past and salute an even bigger toast to 2012 and what it may hold. I believe the best is yet to come. Stay tuned to Attitude Kenyan, an all Kenyan blog, all the time.

A Naked Kenyan Man Jumps Into Field And Interrupts A Rugby World Cup Game In New Zealand

A Naked Kenyan Man Jumps Into Field And Interrupts A Rugby World Cup Game In New Zealand

All for the love of the game.

Inflation, lies and liars

It's been a while since I sat down to rumble and in that time a lot has changed. Not only is maize that is used to make unga ya ugly the staple meal in Kenyan homes reached an unattainable level but, following in its foot steps is the commodity sugar. Sugar has reached the price of Ksh.220 a kilo and continues to rise due to the fact factories do not have enough cane to grind into sugar. The scarcity is caused by the millers not paying farmers on time for their produce and as a result farmers have shied away from farming the commodity.  The farmers are paid at the connivence of the companies at a time when the money is of no need to the poor farmers, their starving families and uneducated children chased away from school due to late payment of fees. Sugar is a key ingredient in some of our daily intakes more than we realize e.g making bread, cakes, sweets, ice cream, jam, mixing with our tea and coffee, etc. Try drinking porridge without sugar, the taste is akin to drinking the dreaded Scotts Emulsion Cod Liver Oil and trust you me, it is an acquired taste. The very thought of which makes me break into fear induced sweat and panic that my mother is around the corner with a spoonful. Inflation is still rising and rampant, fuel is more expensive than beer and the government still thinks expanding the constituencies and number of mpigs coming to parliament in the next elections plus the failure of the current jokers to pay taxes is the norm in its day to day activities of hoodwinking the public, from this self actualization money making pyramid scheme packaged as helping the Wanjikus and Otienos. The time of reckoning is near, fool me once shame on me, fool me twice….Well I hope Kenyans get the picture.

Rumor has it that corporate Kenya is just but a joke. A couple of weeks ago, the great initiative Kenyans4Kenya (K4K) had a corporate pledge day and raised over 300million in a matter of hours for the starving Kenyans at a Serena Breakfast. It now turns out that some companies were all but empty chest thumpers in the end. They unashamedly basked in the boastful public relations they got and slithered back to their shells. They issued dummy checks and no real money to-date. I hope they style up and do what is right sooner rather than later and the K4K chaps publish they're names in the papers. As Spike Lee said, "Do the right thing". Meanwhile, confusion still reigns in the cabinet. The government approved deployment of the military and NYS to distribute relief food at a time when Alfie claimed no one was dying from hunger in Kenya but, the minister for special projects Esther Murugi said relief food should not be distributed because some unscrupulous individuals in the government were cashing in by stealing and reselling the relief food to the general public. My question is this Esther, if you were the CEO of a company, do you stop selling your product to the customer because some of your employees are taking advantage and stealing the products and reselling or do you simply fire the said employees and reign in the rest with tough measures? Its like one of my friends said previously, our leaders simply lack the intellectual capacity or aptitude to comprehend and avert the crisis. The term fix the problem not the blame simply surmises this situation.

My friend Raila J otherwise known as Junior got married this past weekend at Windsor country club, congratulations to him and his new wife Yvonne and, welcome to the club. Drinks on me at our usual corner hide away when you come back from the honeymoon. The saga on the side was the main attraction to this event. The clamor for the wedding invitations was ridiculous as I heard people wanted to be seen attending a political elite wedding not because they were happy for the couple but, because it was a social event of epic proportions where in attendance were retired President Moi affectionately known as Nyayo aka the Professor of Politics, the new AG Githu Muigai, mpigs and ministers, among other honored guests. With a guest list of about 1200 people, there were people who tried calling him for wedding invitations who I hope had the decency to at least buy them a decent gift as they start their new life together. Weddings have become a social extravaganza that does not take into account what the couple want or the fact that people are coming together to share in the joy of the momentous occasion, but rather a feeding occasion where people come and eat your pilau for free and demand a beverage or ten without chipping in with a present for the bride and groom.

The Hague show is back, *say it like The Chapelle Show* and this time it is more serious plus the cast are certainly on edge and realize the gravity of the situation. Some have already tried the usual Kenyan political speeches like it will make a difference but alas were shut down quickly by the no nonsense judge and a bored Ocampo. Rutos pleas for mercy were just a joke. He thought he was applying to the mercy academy, Ruto fight and go down swinging not sniveling it was not me after showing us false bravado back home. The Oscar for the best comment has got to be from Ruto and his team, " The devil was clearly in Kenya at the time of PEV but not at the. Invitation of Ruto" classic sound bite. To further make things worse, the kijana with the brand Kenya hat and the dwarf (no pun intended) were shown last night on citizen TV trying to enjoy their Sunday at the Hague mean while trying to show the public how miserable they are. The result was comedy to rival Mr. Bean. Ruto claimed he went looking for a church that Sunday morning, namely the AIC Church. Now I'm no rocket scientist Mr. Ruto but AIC means African Inland Church……in Africa, no prizes to guess he did not find one, the idiot. The other piece was him writing his name in the Sand and trying to teach some odiero kids who did not care that he is a heckler back in the Kenyan parliament and officially known as MP or as I like to call them, Mpigs. The icing on the cake was the midget building a sand castle in the sand..HILARIOUS!!!!! I know PR works very well and Gina Din can spin it well but come on fellows, if that was your attempt to show Kenyans that things are quagmire there, you failed miserably. All we got was a Paswa moment of epic proportions.

Soccer season is finally back with the start of the EPL and all I can say is shame on Wenger and the Arsenal supporters. In case you don't live on this planet earth, the red machine affectionately known as the red devils aka Manchester United thrashed into silence the ever blank shooting gunners by 8 goals to 2. The number of excuses I have heard in the past week from arsenal supporters is ridiculous, at least get Alfie and his people to help you get a spin after that gigantic loss to the great Manchester United. It has spawned many a joke including "I was alive when arsenal were hit 8-2 by Man Utd" and " if I had a child when arsenal last won a trophy or saucer, he/she would be in standard 1" among many more hilarious and witty comments. If you listened to Maina Kageni on his morning how the following day on Classic FM, as an arsenal supporter, suicide alert would have been the order of the day. This season might see one of my dreams realized and that is for Arsenal to go play in the second division otherwise referred to as the coke a cola cup.

In other news, Kenyan athletes have decided to take off the gloves a year before the Olympics and have served notice in the recently concluded Degue world championships in Korea. The ladies and gentlemen of athletics did Kenya and Africa proud by being number 3 and number 1 in the medals table respectively. We even got to the finals of the 4*400 meters men and came out 6th due to a Barton handing over Faux Pax but we'll get it right the next time. Kudos to the Kenyan athletes, keep flying the flag and making us proud. In other sports matters, Harambee stars won Guinea Bissau in a match they were not expected to win and the goal by Oliech showed just why he's a world class striker. Now all we have to do is defeat our neighbors from across the lake, the Migingo and Ugingo snatching banana republic of Uganda and we will have qualified for the 2012 Africa cup of nations next year.

I finally tried the KFC fad that has taken over Nairobi. Seeing I'm lazy I did not have to brave the ridiculous lines that are still there to-date almost a month after opening but do I say. The chicken is nothing special although well done and the pieces sizable, the fries expensive although in my opinion steers still has the best fries but in meager portions compared to KFC and, the chicken burgers are to die for. Kudos to KFC for hoodwinking Kenyans but, when you are averaging close to Ksh.1 million a day in turnover for a fast food franchise, you are certainly doing something right and should be recommended for a job well done. Good on you Gavin.

For some of us (Rugby Fanatics) our summer of love is finally here. The Rugby World Cup RWC 2011 is finally here and starts on 9th September at 11a.m. It is a month of top flight rugby where the gladiators take on each other to see who is the best in the world and be crowned Kings of Rugby with the reward being winning the prestigious William Ebbs trophy. If you happen to see less of me in the following month, it's not because I'm holed away supporting my beloved Kenya Harlequins while sipping on my favorite beverage Johnny Walker, although the Kenya 7's circuit commenced 2 weeks ago and Quins are matching on to be Strong Sure Superior, however, i will be holed up in my house or favorite beverage den or rugby club watching the games being screened at ridiculous Kenya times i.e 4a.m, 7a.m or 11a.m in the morning due to time difference with New Zealand. in the words of my friend, Kenya's number one rugby supporter Arigi and the army of rugby fanatics GRRRRR!!!!!! LETS GET IT ON…..!!!!

Moral Responsibility 101.

After going in circles, we are still NARC i.e. northing actually really changes. The Mgingo issue is still unresolved and now has a twin called Ugingo. Kenya faces a famine the likes that have not been seen since the 70’s and larks at our doorstep like the images we see on the television concerning Ethiopia, Somalia or Eritrea but everyone other than the government can see it. MP's or as I like to refer to them, mpigs, are still avoiding paying taxes yet the Mungatana's of this world are issuing bouncing cheques worth Ksh. 4 million and the police say they can't find him. If it were a kawaida mwanainchi i.e. the Wajikus and Otineos, you would have been hunted and locked up at Kamiti by now. The high Court the other day issued a warrant of arrest for Garsen MP Danson Mungatana for his magical cheques but as I overheard, sometime last week, he walked into one of the judge’s chambers after the allocated work hours to maybe ask for leniency for his crime. Word of advise, reduce your overheads and, if you shit more than you eat, then you better make sure you got a lot of shit entering.

A lion does not concern himself with the opinions of sheep, so goes the saying and the government spokes man clearly showed us that last week. In my opinion, confusion reigns in the government as it grapples with the reality of the food emergency ravaging parts of the country. Not only this but the cabinet has approved deployment of the military and the NYS to distribute relief food. This comes as spokesman Alfred Mutua claimed the government has no reports of people dying of hunger. The Darwin award for stupidity goes to Alfred mutual. How can the government spokes man go on TV and proclaim that there is no drought in Kenya and no one is dying within the borders of the republic of Kenya due to hunger? My question is this Mr. Mutua, the photos that were shown to Kenyans by the media last week, do you think they were created at your studio where you script and act out cobra squad? Atwoli once said Alfred Mutua is a very young boy who does not know the colour of the shirt he is wearing! Maybe he was right! Those very pictures have spurred Kenyans and helped corporates like Safaricom, KCB, Uchumi, etc., and a host of other corporates to step up and do the governments job by raising 20 million in one day with an aim of raising 500 million and to date one week later, have raised more than 90 million. Well in all Kenyans who have taken it upon themselves to contribute and give what little they may have and be a brother or sister to their fellow country men and women. I know it's exploiting children using those pictures as was pointed out to me by a friend of mine but it worked and the necessary action is being taken to remedy the situation considering the governments failure. As someone said, it's like our leaders and planners lacked the intellectual capacity and aptitude to comprehend and avert the crisis.

Kenya Paraffin Lanterns Candles KPLC, are saying what we all knew and expected, that they are a bunch of tossers and inept idiots who after borrowing and not realizing the country requires more power in the grid than it has been using in the last few years, have in their wisdom decided that the answer to the problem in rationing. First question Eddy Njoroge, has it occurred to you and the idiots employed there that when you ration you cannot in good conscience raise that rates for the electricity. How do you persuade me to pay higher for a commodity that is not available in this harsh economic time? It’s like daylight robbery in light that you are the only company providing the service and thus enjoy the monopoly. Second with Kenya talking about vision 2030, what is the rational of your company going 10 steps backwards and taking us to the Stone Age era? We require electrification to run our industries and create work. Third Mr. Njoroge, every month I get my electricity bill and it contains a section that has mundane taxes that you recently tried to justify and tell us it is money raised to do rural electrification. Well said and done but if that is the case, why are we not seeing the effects of that money being used for that purpose and why are people in rural areas still being charged exorbitant fees to electrify their premises or pull electricity to the nearest trading center? Lastly, I think your whole board and management should be summarily dismissed with immediate effect since you spent a shit load of money to rebrand instead of fixing the current glaring issues and the fact that you provide services when it is appropriate for you and immediately it rains, most of the country is always plunged into darkness. The money should have been used to repair and buy new equipment.

Social media has been rife with condemnation of the government; it’s spokes man, mpigs and our so-called leaders. To quote one fellow, “Even though I am not affected directly by the drought, I would like to see people like Mike Sonko and his unga revolution, Harun Mwau, Kabogo, Mary Wambui, William Ruto, Uhuru Kenyatta, all land grabbers and money bags splash millions in North Eastern. Margaret Wanjiru and the numerous get rich quick churches that have buses to take stuffs to the North for free”. Churches have tax-free money, what is the money used for? As someone quickly pointed out, kwani it’s used to upgrade their Range Rover Vogues?

Nothing good comes from sugar coating things in life and that's why morals are being eroded in Kenya. Stand up and be counted, or forever shut up and remain irrelevant.

Fear Behaving Badly

Fear is the lack of knowledge. We fear what we do not understand, for example, we fear death, we fear going to somewhere new, we fear people we don’t understand and that's what leads us to our narrow points of views. In Kenya we fear our political class and don't understand them neither do they attempt to be understood. The enigma they surround themselves with helps them stay in office, which was until the Kenyan people learned their rights and got a new constitution. In about a year we will be going to the polls to elect the third president of the republic of Kenya in the transitional elections come August 2012 and as the situation stands, we have a cacophony of imperfect, fictitious and impracticable candidates who stand on the strands of their tribal backgrounds, characters and want to rule us by hook or crook. They lack moral character, patriotism even though they chant it at every opportunity, confidence and experience in being a leader. Being a politician does not necessarily make you a good leader. Like a good wine that matures with time, I say politicians will also get better with time and experience but as is evident in Kenya they become worse. We have been talking about mpigs and the tax issue but withdrawing the focus from the real issues such as insecurity, inflation, escalating prices of goods and most importantly the glaring inequalities in the trillion shilling budget.

In Kenya it pays to be an MP and have the ability to make noise like parrot. To date only about 30 mpigs have paid taxes, while the rest sit on their Asses and claim they will censure the president and prime minister for doing the right thing. Since when did it become acceptable to not do the right thing and complain about those who do so? It’s like a thief complaining that he should not be jailed because his neighbor did not go and rob someone when the opportunity presented itself. To you mpigs who have defied the taxman and stay defiant, I say your days are numbered and as such I see many of you languishing in your homes come the next transitional elections and wondering how to pay off the silly loans you have accumulated in your quest to be king greedy.

The federation of women lawyers in Kenya-FIDA is at it again. Lately since Kenya got a new constitution, they have taken to making it a point to contest every appointment the president makes. Citing lack of gender balance. In this case they have decided the recent appointment of military officers who will be in charge of the country in the next transitional elections should be nullified because there was no woman appointed. At the risk of drawing fire (pun intended) from the female readers, if a woman wants to be appointed to head the military or top positions in the military, they must prove themselves, join early and stay late. It is a mans world after all and they must play by the rules and stop using the gender card. As Kwamchesti Makokha said in politically correct last week, and I quote "putting women in charge would demoralize the country's defense forces, make them drink less beer, be overcome by cowardice to the point of fearing to die for their country."

Our “favorite” so called youth leader is back in the spot light for all that is wrong in moral standing and fiber in the youth today. First off the Mpig Sonko double parked his Subaru forester on Moi Avenue and went off to do some window-shopping. Upon returning he found the city council chaps had clamped his car tire and instead of acting like the rest of the mwananchi of Kenya and going to pay his fine for committing an offense, he decided the best course of action was to get his bodyguards to break the clamp in full glare of the amused public and ride off with the clamp into the sunset as a trophy. The next day, Sonko dressed like a reggae rafian complete with fake braided hair and bling, proceeded to Continental House, the offices of the mpigs and give an impromptu press conference declaring that if the police want to arrest him for destruction of council property and stealing it, they can do so. In addition he also dared the head of his sponsoring party Martha Karua to kick him out of the party if she so wanted. To the police and Kanjo, arrest him and show no one is above the law, to Martha for the sake of your piece of mind and not to be associated with this mad man who will eventually taint your image if he has not already done so, kick him out and move on. 

Granted no one who drives likes the kanjo people, when the public sees a so called “leader” and member of parliament breaking the law blatantly and with impunity they have to be asking themselves why do I have to play by the rules when others clearly do not. Rules are meant to govern a society and keep law and order. Imagine a lawless community that resembles the stories we hear, read and see on the TV of areas like Turkana, Northern Kenya and Somalia as a place to live. The words dead, buried and pushing up daisies comes to mind.